Trial Magazine

Before I Do: A Legal Guide to Marriage, Gay and Otherwise

Elizabeth F. Schwartz
The New Press
240pp., $14.95

Reviewed by Whitney J. Butcher

When I agreed to review Before I Do: A Legal Guide to Marriage, Gay and Otherwise, I had no idea how timely the topic would be. I am getting married next month, and so far, it’s been sunshine and roses. Amid all the romance, however, it is easy to neglect marriage’s legal implications.

Elizabeth Schwartz’s book is an easy-to-navigate resource for anyone considering tying the knot. An LGBT rights advocate and a family law, divorce, and estate planning attorney, she cautions, “Just because you can get married doesn’t mean you should.”

Schwartz’s second chapter discusses ­Obergefell v. Hodges—the 2015 U.S. Supreme Court case that legalized gay marriage across the nation with an empowering and soul-stirring opinion. While many LGBT couples are now able to marry in their home states, Schwartz warns that marriage is not always a financially sound decision, particularly for older couples who may have more assets and liabilities. She illustrates her point with a client she calls Troy, who discovered close to his retirement that he would owe half of the increase in his IRA during his marriage—around $45,000—to his ex-husband. 

The book also includes a suggested checklist of topics for couples to discuss before marriage, aptly titled “Asking the Hard Questions.” For example, the list includes discussing each partner’s income, whether one partner plans to stay home after marriage, and whether either partner has any long-term health issues.

Before I Do also contains narratives from LGBT activists and attorneys recounting specific legal issues they have faced in their own relationships­ or helped clients navigate. For example, there’s Bruce and Miguel, who had to prove their financial and emotional commitment to a U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services officer before Miguel could begin the path to American citizenship. These personal stories help transform­ the book from a mere “how-to” into a deeper resource that asks readers to truly think about why they want to get married and the hoops they may have to jump through. 

Before I Do does not present a fairy-tale version of marriage. However, it is a valuable resource for all couples—LGBT or not—considering marriage. After reading it, I am no less excited about getting married, but I am much more informed. 

Whitney J. Butcher is an attorney at the Whitley Law Firm in Raleigh, N.C. She can be reached at wjb@whitleylawfirm.com.